Every mom has dealt with a fair share of mom anger. See, when one becomes a mom, they are thrown into a completely new world.
A world they previously haven’t been into. Taking care of little beings who entirely depend on you while learning from one’s mistakes can be draining.
When my babies where much younger, I never thought I could ever be an angry mother. They were adorable little boys! No colic, and gently slept trained really fast. Much to my shock!
But as they started to grow, they became more demanding, and I could hardly keep up with their needs.
Their constant fights would get to my nerves! I became a totally frustrated mom and was always easily irritated.
Coupled with the fact that I was a work at home mom with hours and hours of client work that kept piling week over week, resentment towards my kids and husband became a constant feeling I had to deal with.
To be honest, no mom wants to be a mean mom. I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only mom that has ever shouted at their children.(I’m not trying to justify myself on this one though) And each time I yelled at them, it left me feeling totally guilty.
There was this time I was working on a project and had promised a client I’d deliver the work that evening. But as I was busy typing away, my kids were constantly nagging me for this, for that!
Mom, I need to go to pee!
Mommy, I’m hungry!
Mama, Wayne has taken my toy car!
And the ceaseless nags continued. Then for a moment, I snapped and shouted at them. They all curled on their seats, so quiet and terrified. Then I knew…I had scared them.
It had been worse than any of my other outbursts! I got off my computer and went to cry it out in the bedroom. The shame was just too much for me!
What was wrong with me?
While I was trying to get myself together, I overheard my youngest ask his older brother “why does mom have such a mean look?”
That is when I realized I had a problem, and that I had to deal with my mom anger and my work at home mom stress. It was important for me, my kids, and husband to work on my mom burnout.
Here is the thing; anger is a normal emotion, but how we deal with it is what matters. I had happier days with my kids (I still do!), and was determined to get that back.
And for any mom struggling with this, hear me, you are not alone. Here are a few tips to help you transform from a mean mom to a calm mom and a peaceful wife.
1. Get out of the house
If you are like me, always indoors either working or taking care of the babies, getting out of the house and breathing in some fresh air will help you learn how to control anger with kids.
A walk in your local park while pushing your baby in a good stroller will help uplift your mood while at the same time providing you with some exercise.
If your babies are a little older, you can all ride bikes around the neighborhood.
2.Talk to someone close about the anger
I have a close friend I can call and vent to anything that’s bothering me. She lets me talk and talk until I’m finally relieved and quiet. Then she will calmly tell me what she feels about the whole situation.
Sometimes, she will not even say a word. But after I have talked to her, I always feel much better. I am truly grateful for her.
As a mom, it’s good to have that one person who you can always reach out to when the need arises. It can even be your mom, a sister, or a cousin.
Here are some great mom anger management books
3. Cut off time spend on social media
This is pretty hard for me as I am a work-at-home mom. As a blogger, I use social media a lot to reach out to my followers as well as to gain more followers.
I will admit that I struggle with time spent on social media, but I am trying to know my limits when it comes to spending time on my phone. Sometimes, I get so immersed on Instagram and Facebook doing absolutely nothing.
I am working towards creating a healthy balance between time spent on social media working or just scrolling.
Most of the time when I am on the phone, I have realized I get irritated when one of my kids needs my attention. It actually is one of my anger triggers.
Nowadays I am being more intentional on my time on social media. I try limit it to early mornings and late nights when my kids are in bed.
4.Wake up early
Ever had a cup of tea or coffee when everyone in your house is asleep? Heavenly!
Create a routine; wake up early and go to bed early. As a work at home mom or stay at home mom, your schedule for the day is pretty filled-up even before you wake up.
This can be overwhelming and ultimately lead to mom burnout over time. Waking up earlier than my kids has helped me in my anger management as a mom.
I am usually out of my bed every morning at 5am to work on client’s work. Often times, my kids will be up between 8 am-9am. Those are 3 hours of uninterrupted time that you can use to do lots of work!
Tip: Get blackout curtains for baby room. Children will simply wake up because they can see some light peering through their curtains.
5.Is mom anger hurting your relationship with your kids?
Sometimes, talking to a professional can help you deal with your anger issues as a mom going through a difficult phase.
However, make sure to only engage the services of a professional who is highly qualified in anger management for mom. A good professional will walk with you through the healing journey.
6. Cut back your work hours if you are a work at home mom
This is one thing that helped me spend quality time with my babies. Before I had my babies, I would work 40 hours and when they came, I thought I would still do the same.
We hired a nanny and with the first baby, I was still able to do my 40 hours of work when he was a few months old. However, that didn’t last long. Even as much as I tried to complete those hours, it felt like a drag because my baby required more attention from me.
I also needed enough time to be with him and bond. I finally had to half my weekly work hour which relieved me of the work at home mom stress I was dealing with. This also gave me quality time with my baby and husband.
7. Create a day for me-time
I rarely have these days, but on those rare occasions I get a chance to take my children to my MIL, I make the most of my me time. She is always ready to help with the babies.
Every three months, we drive the children to her house and she baby sits for a day or so. This gives us a lot of time to bond with my husband and also helps me focus on projects I cannot do when they are around.
For moms that do not have relatives that can help baby sit, I would recommend forming a manageable group where you can take turns baby siting each other’s babies to allow parents some me-time. The benefits of some alone time cannot be under-estimated.
The above methods have helped me become a calm mom and a better wife. I hope they work for you as well.
One thing that you should always remember as a parent is that we are all humans; imperfect creations borne to imperfections.
So, if you realize you have yelled at your child, do not let your angry mom guilt weigh you down. Apologize to your children and strive to get control of the situation next time.
Parenthood never comes with a manual. You are already doing a great job!
Have you dealt with mom anger? How did you learn the best anger management tips that worked for you? I would love to hear your feedback in the comments section.
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