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Every mom has dealt with a fair share of mom anger. See, when one becomes a mom, we are thrown into a completely new world. A world we previously haven’t been in.
Taking care of little beings who depend on us entirely, while learning from our mistakes can be draining.
When my babies were much younger, I never thought I could ever be an angry mother. They were adorable little boys, no colic, and gently slept trained really fast (much to my shock!).
But as they started to grow, they became more demanding, and I could hardly keep up with their needs.
Their constant fights would get on my nerves! I became a totally frustrated mom and was always easily irritated.
That, coupled with the fact that I was a work-at-home mom with hours and hours of client work that kept piling up week over week, resentment towards my kids and husband became a constant feeling I had to deal with.
To be honest, no mom wants to be an angry mom. I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only mom that has ever shouted at my children. (I’m not trying to justify myself). And each time I yelled at them, it left me feeling totally guilty.
There was this time I was working on a project and had promised a client I’d deliver the work that evening. But as I was busy typing away, my kids were constantly nagging me for this, for that!
Mom, I need to go to pee!
Mommy, I’m hungry!
Mama, Wayne has taken my toy car!
And the ceaseless nags continued…
Then for a moment, I snapped and shouted at them. They curled up in their seats, quiet and terrified. Then I knew…I had scared them.
It had been worse than any of my other outbursts! I got off my computer and went to cry it out in the bedroom. The shame was just too much for me!
What was wrong with me?
While I was trying to get myself together, I overheard my youngest ask his older brother “why does mom have such a mean look?”
That is when I realized I had a problem, and that I had to deal with my mom anger and my work-at-home mom stress. It was important for me, my kids, and my husband to work on my mom burnout.
Here is the thing, anger is a normal emotion, but how we deal with it is what matters. I had had happier days with my kids (I still do!) and was determined to get that back.
Is mom anger hurting your relationship with your kids? Are you wondering how to stop being an angry mom? For any mom struggling with this, hear me out, you are not alone.
Here are a few tips to help you transform from a mean angry mom to a calm mom and a peaceful wife.
1. Get out of the house
If you are like me – always indoors, either working or taking care of the babies, getting out of the house and breathing some fresh air will help you control your anger toward the kids.
A walk in your local park while pushing your baby in a good stroller will help uplift your mood while at the same time providing you with some exercise.
Light exercise like walking will release some endorphins allowing you to destress and elevate your mood.
If your babies are a little older, you can all ride bikes around the neighborhood for a similar positive effect.
2. Talk to someone close about your mom-anger
I have a close friend I can call and vent to about anything that’s bothering me. She lets me talk and talk until I’m finally relieved and quiet. Then she will calmly tell me how she feels about the whole situation.
Sometimes, she will not even say a word. But after I have talked to her, I always feel much better. I am truly grateful for her.
As a mom, it’s good to have that one person who you can always reach out to when the need arises. It can even be your mom, a sister, or a cousin.
3. Identify and modify your mom-anger triggers
Most of the time when I am on the phone, I have realized I get irritated when one of my kids needs my attention. It is actually one of my anger triggers. Nowadays, I am being more intentional about my time on social media. I try to limit it to early mornings and late nights when my kids are in bed.
This is pretty hard for me as I am a work-at-home mom. As a blogger, I use social media a lot to reach out to my followers as well as to gain more followers.
I will admit that I struggle with time spent on social media, but I am trying to know my limits when it comes to spending time on my phone. Sometimes, I get so immersed on Instagram and Facebook doing absolutely nothing.
Now that I have identified it as a trigger, I can cut off time spent on social media to help me be a calm mommy.
4. Wake up early
Ever have a cup of tea or coffee when everyone in your house is asleep? Heavenly!
Create a routine. Wake up early and go to bed early. As a work at home mom or stay at home mom, your schedule for the day is pretty filled-up even before you wake up.
This can be overwhelming and ultimately lead to mom burnout. Waking up earlier than my kids has helped me manage my mom-anger.
I am usually out of my bed every morning at 5am to work on client’s work. My kids will usually be up between 8 am-9am. Those are 3 hours of uninterrupted time that I can use to do lots of work!
This time is also good for some me-time: working out, meditation or reading a book to start the day off on a positive note!
Pro Tip: Get blackout curtains for the baby room. Children will often wake up when they can see some light peering through the curtains.
5. Read a self-help book (or two)
Self-help books are a great way to continue to work on ourselves. Spend a little time each day reading or listening to an audiobook while driving.
Here are some great mom anger management books (click on the image to purchase):
6. Talk to a professional for moms
Sometimes, talking to a professional can help you deal with your anger issues as a mom going through a difficult phase.
However, make sure to engage the services of a professional who is highly qualified in anger management for moms. A good professional will walk with you through the healing journey.
7. Cut back on your work hours
This is one thing that helped me spend quality time with my babies. Before I had my babies, I would work 40 hours and when they came, I thought I would still do the same.
We hired a nanny with the first baby, and I was still able to do my 40 hours of work for the first few months. However, that didn’t last long.
As he got older, as much as I tried to complete those hours, it felt like a drag because he required more attention from me. I also needed more time to be with him and bond.
I finally decided to halve my weekly work hours, which relieved me of the work-at-home mom stress I was dealing with. This also gave me more quality time with my baby and husband.
While we lost some income, the better quality of life we gained made it all worthwhile.
8. Create a day for me-time
I rarely have these days. But, on the rare occasion I get a chance to take my children to my MIL, and I make the most of my me-time. Fortunately she is always ready to help with the babies.
Every three months, my hubby and I drive the children to her house and she babysits for a day or so. This gives us time to bond and also helps me focus on projects I cannot do when they are around.
Even better is really taking the time for myself to destress. Hair, nails, shopping, going for a massage or meeting up with friends are all great ways to destress and recharge.
For moms that do not have relatives that can help babysit, I recommend forming a parent group. Then, you can take turns babysiting each other’s babies to allow each other some me-time.
The benefits of some alone time cannot be under-estimated.
The above methods have helped me stop being an angry mom and transform into a calm mom and a better wife. I hope they will work for you as well.
One thing that you should always remember as a parent is that we are all humans, imperfect creations borne to imperfections.
So, if you realize you have yelled at your child, do not let your angry mom guilt weigh you down. Apologize to your children and strive to get control of the situation.
Parenthood doesn’t come with a manual. You are already doing a great job!
Have you dealt with mom anger? How did you learn the best anger management tips that worked for you? I would love to hear your feedback in the comments section.
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